all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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