I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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