My first STD was from a foam party
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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