My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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