this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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