I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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