Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
