I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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