one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
