My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
