do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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