grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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