rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
