i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
