I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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