some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
