i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
