I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
