paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
