I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
