I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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