I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize