We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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