You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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