Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
