i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
