I bet he comes in French.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
His nipple licking is glorious
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