My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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