That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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