i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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