Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize