Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
