Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize