At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You need Xanax blowdarts
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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