ya dads aren't the best wingmen
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If its not for food we ain't going out.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
