Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
