How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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