I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Randomize
