ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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