i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
