Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
