My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
