His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
