Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
