how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
