what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
