Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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