peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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