win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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