im drinking this country out of the recession.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
