shes about as inviting as chlamydia
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize