So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
