we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize