dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
