How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
