I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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