We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
