We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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