Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
