you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish you could order shots online.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
