this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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