Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
