Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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