Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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