eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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