according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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